Over the last 3 years, my 'self' seemed to be placed on a dusty shelf. I
began to fail myself in all the things that interested me, spirit
seemed to be there, but not quite as strong as I seem to need. The job I
worked was somewhat taking over the side of me I felt I was losing, and
losing it is harder on me than I imagined. I quit that job 2 weeks ago,
I did listen to spirits urging me to move on away from bartending and
dealing with the public in this manner.
My son is about ready to go out into the world with his girlfriend and 4 month old son. I've never done the empty nest thing, and find I am fearing the time alone without them here, in and out of the house all day and night. But, on the other hand I feel also that this is a much needed time for me, and for them. I do dread being here with a man I have lived with for 25 years. I don't feel we have much in common, and I cannot venture out into the world alone at this time due to being in debt. I feel so very lost, and so very alone. My paranormal group pretty much went their own ways, we no longer communicate even on friendly terms, and I did not renew my paranormal website earlier this month. I really have no like minded friends to talk with about this, and I've even been trying to find my way back to the online friends, that don't seem to frequent these sites like they used to. I am not a social person, do not have friends to go out with, invite over, or talk to about being a spiritual human. Again, I feel alone and lost, and I so badly need me back. Aside from the arthritus thats been kicking my butt, I feel well enough to not complain about much of anything. Theres always someone else whose complaints speak louder than my own, so I leave it at that.
I don't feel I smile enough, laugh enough, meditate at all, or feel enough.
I used to blog some on my myspace, but theres way to many people on it that mean very little to me, it is way too public I guess, and theres family that check on me that I wish to not check on me.
I guess I am asking if theres a message for me, or a direction for me to focus on. Am I going to come out of this void of nothingness. I feel like I've lost my groove. Thanks if you get a sense.
Mo
My son is about ready to go out into the world with his girlfriend and 4 month old son. I've never done the empty nest thing, and find I am fearing the time alone without them here, in and out of the house all day and night. But, on the other hand I feel also that this is a much needed time for me, and for them. I do dread being here with a man I have lived with for 25 years. I don't feel we have much in common, and I cannot venture out into the world alone at this time due to being in debt. I feel so very lost, and so very alone. My paranormal group pretty much went their own ways, we no longer communicate even on friendly terms, and I did not renew my paranormal website earlier this month. I really have no like minded friends to talk with about this, and I've even been trying to find my way back to the online friends, that don't seem to frequent these sites like they used to. I am not a social person, do not have friends to go out with, invite over, or talk to about being a spiritual human. Again, I feel alone and lost, and I so badly need me back. Aside from the arthritus thats been kicking my butt, I feel well enough to not complain about much of anything. Theres always someone else whose complaints speak louder than my own, so I leave it at that.
I don't feel I smile enough, laugh enough, meditate at all, or feel enough.
I used to blog some on my myspace, but theres way to many people on it that mean very little to me, it is way too public I guess, and theres family that check on me that I wish to not check on me.
I guess I am asking if theres a message for me, or a direction for me to focus on. Am I going to come out of this void of nothingness. I feel like I've lost my groove. Thanks if you get a sense.
Mo
