This could probably go in any number of spots but since it will mostly be my musings and questions to self I though off sacred masculine the
best. However if any of the mods think it would be better placed elsewhere please move it. It touches upon things more than just shamanic but it also feels
shamanic to me.
Do you ever just stop and wonder? Hang upon that singular item like the word "Why"? Stop and find yourself in a position where everything that you though needed is suddenly just blank? Not even a sense of a loss of something for there is no loss only an unending sense of why. Coupled with a strong sense of ok now what?
For weeks now I have been planning and preparing myself for the ceremony I will perform on the night of the 31st. Ran it through my head and tried to see what I needed and ask for guidance on what was required. Yep had imagined and figured it all out I was pretty sure. Yet now I am completely baffled about the whole thing. No not the fact it needs to be done or that I desire it to be done, just the what if and how's of it now.
Strange actually, I was sure it would be outside under the full moon. Nope cancel that idea for now I have the sense of having it in the attic in a small alcove that more resembles a womb than anything. Figured on a nice roaring fire and the smell of pine and smoke upon the wind. Cancel that no fire other than a small candle perhaps. Figured upon an open view of the woodlands and the star filled night with a full blue moon. Now simply a cavernous view looking out over the landscape of the rising mountain line and the river bathed in a silver light.
Heck, even the notion of offerings of libations and sacrifice is now been removed. No offerings upon the ground or fed to the flame are called for. No ritual sacrifice desired. Nope instead a sense of sitting humbly before an open window and just letting the quite night wash over the land and myself. Almost as if I am looking upon the birthing of a new landscape, as the rising moon will slowly paint its silvery mantle upon everything and the shadows dance in the hollows and deeper forest.
So confused actually as to what I am supposed to do or experience with this one. The part that was to honor and make libations to Hekate so different than this facet is setting up for Bast and Artemis. Hekate was the roar of the night as the winds howled and the rains fell upon the land, Offerings of libations and song coupled with a feast of the crossroads left. The junctions of three elements of water, land, air with fire brought forth. Yet for Artemis and Bast none of that seems or feels appropriate as the night looms ever closer.
No more like the silence of the womb and the first view of the land and breath of life. The stillness of the night coupled with the stillness of the womb except for the sound of the heartbeat that rings upon the awaiting birth.
Still I can't help but wonder why the difference and change. Not only change but a pronounced sense of change that has occurred over the last month as I have prepared and waited the night.
No it is not the Lady of Ephesos that looms upon the horizon. It is not the wild huntress that walked the dark lands. Not the blood demanding lady that scourged the youths and demanded service of the bear maidens. Not the lady that stalked the plains under the burning sun. Not the Lady that marked the Nile channels and rode the chariot of the sun. Nope none of those faces appear before my eyes or upon the spirit eye of my inner self.
Yet I planned to think them for the power of birth and life for my grandsons and make offerings and sacrifice to them. Yet those things seem to be unwanted and undesired by either of them. In some way I have a sense of joining them in the womb of the night and womb of the land and sitting in the silence and simply listen to the blood pump and the heart beat.
And just perhaps listen to the whispered voice that says "Hush" you talk too much and now just need to listen!