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Cinnamon,

Sorry, I didn't realize that my question came out as vague as it did in the end, heh.

Let's try this again, shall we? I'm a bit reluctant to go into personal detail as generally it's been my experience that the few times I've done it with a couple of closer friends, I've gotten more personal responses than actual readings. However, as most of you on here don't personally know me, I'm thinking you guys may have more of an objective outlook on this...

Several years back there was one that entered my life who profoundly touched it in a positive way at the time. At first it seemed as if we met simply by chance but as time went on, we began realizing that we were connected in far greater ways than simply chance would allow. To be honest, I was a bit hesitant to work with him metaphysically as I'd done so with a couple of people that I was called to beforehand and with the exception of a few instances, it all ended up as a crap-shoot. Either they weren't ready, they couldn't handle what was being asked of them or they Wouldn't handle what was being asked of them.

Because of these past experiences, when I was called to work with him, while Knowing it was meant to be, I was extremely cautious in doing so... hit a dog so many times and eventually they will continue to shrink back regardless of the fact that the hand is trying to pet rather than hit...

Anyway, during the beginning of our relationship he offered to show me his great-grandmother's book of shadows. From what he and his mother shared with me, she was extremely knowledgeable woman, and while I honestly would have loved the chance to see it, I looked upon it as a very private thing that should be offered with more caution and thought. After thanking him for the opportunity to do so, I explained that while even though I would love the chance to do so, I thought it would be better to get to know one another more beforehand. I did not want him regretting the action, nor did I want it to have been something simply rash and off-the-cuff so to speak.

We progressed in our relationship and learned things about one another that neither of us had shared with anyone else before then. Our relationship was a beautiful thing, both spiritually and physically and we both learned a lot from one another. Everything pointed to the fact that we were meant to be in each other's lives and at that point in time we were practically attached at the hips, lol.

We were together for several months when he gave me his Little Black Book. Confused, I wasn't exactly sure what it was at first until he told me to open it and look inside. When I saw the numbers and figured it out I was even more confused. I asked him why he was giving it to me and he replied that he simply didn't need it anymore, that he didn't need anyone else.

A week later he was gone without a word or whisper of why. I tried contacting him a couple of times afterward as I needed the answer to the lingering question of why... but he refused to reply in any way. The weirdest part was after several months I wrote him a letter after I'd moved and pretty much laid things out the way I saw them. A few days later I'd called up the house when his mother answered, happy as hell to hear from me and excited as he had shared the letter with her, she told me that he wasn't there but she'd relay the message for me. I called once more as I was being prodded to do so by one of my guides and this time she was completely different; cold, angry and completely distant. It was as if I was speaking to a completely different individual rather than the woman I had talked to a few days before.

There are many things about this that simply does not make sense. The conflicting emotions displayed not only by him but by those around him. Conflicting signs I keep receiving. And while I myself did not question the truth of what happened for a long time, I no longer have as strong a faith because I need to look at things from all sides. We were stronger together than we are apart. Yet if we were meant to be together, why the alienation? Why such opposite and conflicting conversations in the matter of days with both him when he pretty much said, "you're it, babe," to when he then dropped off the face of the earth?

Even now we are connected. And for whatever reason, I haven't been allowed to cut that thread from myself. So while many signs still point to the fact that What Once Was even now is meant to be... There's nothing more than static space right now which has at times grown stagnant until I rehash everything, open every old wound and lay it all out in the table in each and every painfully clear detail of it's existence.

I am not one that gets overly emotional. Nor am I one to trust very easily. I have tried to look at the situation from all points and sides to see if I could turn up an answer, yet even after almost three years the answer is not forthcoming. Even now I patiently wait, yet I feel as if there's some vital piece of the puzzle that I'm missing which I must continue searching for. Because of this, I continue to search.

For a while, I tried to say whatever, it wasn't meant to be, let the chips fall where they may. I got over the hurt, faced the feelings of abandonment and betrayal and tried to go on with my life from there. Yet even after trying to reach and maintain a sense of closure, I wasn't allowed to... I guess that's the biggest reason why I still search for this answer. Because closure has never been allowed.

There will be times where I won't think of him for months on end and up he'll pop. Not physically, of course, but some aspect of either him or a completely random comment in reference to him will pop up. Signposts along the way will show when my mind is completely off of him and on something else entirely. As I said previously, I now know that it is not my subconscious bringing this to the front, but if not that, then who?

I continue to get conflicting signs and as such I haven't known for a while now which way's up or down in that regard. While my Heart tells me what Once Was held Truth at one point in time, I no longer can say that it presently does. Because I never had the closure, I cannot say that the signposts that are being shown are there as validations or merely as a means to distract.

Hopefully, that clarifies the situation now that I've gone in depth. Lol, it was one of the reasons why I was trying my best to keep it short and to the point...

-Wyn